balrāj | now
Your desire to find permanent security actually reinforces the basic sense of lack/anxiety that you’re trying to eliminate. In other words, the very quest for permanent freedom from personal problems might be the very thing keeping you from your deepest fulfillment. Your personal problems are a product of the habits you’ve inherited and developed in the process of avoiding (and trying to eliminate) the pervasive anxiety/lack/fear (and other painful/difficult emotions).
Ultimately, the habit to be released is the very grasping—the need—for unconditioned security, in whatever form it takes: financial freedom, unassailable mental health, unrivalled status, and even—perhaps especially—the need for enlightenment itself.
To do this work (of ‘undoing’ or of ‘forgetting’ our habits—of releasing and being released) requires that one actively turn to face their own experience. In other words, changing your life requires that you change your (habitual) self in important ways, and this must always begin with confronting yourself. Freedom requires that one face their painful emotions, unwanted thoughts, and those people/places/situations that one has been inclined to avoid. Freedom is unavailable to those who want nothing to do with their shadow, who habitually renounce their freedom in the name of preserving it (but who are instead are preserving nothing but their habitual self).
Then, we can hear the call of our deepest inspirations more clearly and less encumbered by the ego’s compulsions. These deeper inspirations are those that call us beyond our habitual self and disclose themselves in a kind of inner knowing; they strike us as a kind of necessity. But this inner knowing is never (and can never be) clear enough; we are left to work out what it means in terms of our own individual situation. It is when we commit to acting on these inspirations for the sake of the inspirations themselves and nothing more that we open ourselves up to a deeply meaningful life.